


Sixteen

by chasingtragedy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Childhood Friends, Clexa, College, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, High School, Jealous Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Octaven, Past Character Death, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-16 20:23:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11260305
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingtragedy/pseuds/chasingtragedy
Summary: Clarke and Lexa finally admitted their feelings for each other at the age of sixteen after years of being best friends. Each year brought new complications, and each year it became harder and harder to suppress their feelings. But, it took less than a year for it to all break down, and in the future all they ask is if they still feel those chaotic feelings that they did at sixteen.





	1. You're Throwing Fuel Into My Fire

**Author's Note:**

> So, maybe some of you know my story breathe (i've seen your soul grow just like a rose). I ended up deleting it because I just simply didn't know what to do with it anymore, and it wasn't a story I was proud of. I felt like it was best to just delete it and start over new with the original story it was meant to be. breathe was a complete mess and I just hope this one turns out better than the last. So, this is also based off of a song called Sixteen by Chelsea Cutler. If it seems like breathe, then you know where those ideas originally came from Enough of that, I hope you guys like this story (:

With faded forest eyes, and clenched fists- Lexa Woods is squinting at the dusty chalkboard. Her teacher has been explaining different letters, and simple words, but she can’t seem to pay attention. She really doesn’t remember how her teacher came about talking about love. It’s in bold white smudged letters, and her face is growing stiff from staring too long. All she wonders is what it could possibly mean. Her teacher talks with animated hand gestures and bright eyes, and Lexa questions if love is as worthwhile as Mr. Kane describes. It seems as if the single syllable has as much power as God; it makes Lexa’s tiny body tremble.

 

It’s a random day in October during 1st grade when there’s an even tinier figure with braided gold hair, and rich blue eyes Lexa can’t differentiate from the sky.

 

(She wonders if all angels are blonde with blue eyes.)

 

“You have green eyes.” Lexa nearly loses her grip on the monkey bars when that same blonde girl is looking up at her with wide eyes. Her body stills. She’s just dangling, and the girl is still staring and it’s really uncomfortable because Lexa really doesn’t like new people.

 

“Yes, and you have blue,” Lexa replies slowly. She’s squinting again. She doesn’t know whether it’s because of the radiant sun, or because she’s trying to see the deeper details of the girl’s sky colored eyes.

 

“What’s your name? I’m Clarke Griffin,” Clarke says rather proudly with a puff of her chest, and Lexa scoffs. With a swing of her legs, she lands perfectly on the red mulch right before Clarke. She doesn’t back away or fidget like everyone else; instead, she grins at Lexa.

 

“Lexa Woods.”

 

Lexa’s eyes dart around them, noticing the multiple gazes and she hears their snickering. Their voices grow louder, pounding against her skull and it’s all static throughout her ears. Her fists are once again clenched, but Clarke doesn’t seem to notice.

 

“Wanna be friends?” Lexa really doesn’t like this. Not one bit. She doesn’t want to be mean, and she doesn’t want to lose the possibility of making a friend. But, the kids are still whispering and they’re still watching, and Lexa curls into herself. Clarke seems nice. Lexa doesn’t want the blonde to be warped in her bitter world.

 

“Sure.”  _Stupid._

 

Clarke notices how no one leaves candy for Lexa when it’s Halloween in class. Her dark wooden desk is barren, and the blonde notices there’s scribbly handwriting that isn’t Lexa’s neat one. When she goes back to her own desk, she sees she was actually given a few pieces, and when she looks up, she meets a cheeky grin. It’s this boy that’s been bugging her since her first day. She never bothered with his name, but she’s sure it’s Michael or something like that.

 

“Hi, I’m Finn. Finn Collins.” _Oops._

 

“Uh, hi. Did you give me candy?” Clarke quirks her brow at him and taps her foot impatiently.

 

“Yeah, I hope you like Reese's,” he says rather bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck. Finn has pretty floppy brown hair, and some of the girls in her class always giggle when he talks to them. Maybe if she wasn’t so invested in Lexa she’d do the same.

 

“I actually don’t,” Clarke chirps. It’s the fact that she’s blunt, and that she doesn’t feel bad at all that makes Finn falter. His shoulders slump, and before he’s a stuttering mess, Clarke leaves him with a skip in her step.

 

At the sight of untamed curly brown hair, and wrinkled clothing- Clarke smiles to the point her cheeks ache. There’s this sudden light that pulses through her veins and it’s so warm underneath the surface of her skin. Clarke hasn’t been able to figure out exactly why it’s Lexa she’s so engrossed in, but she decided that she likes the fluttering of wings in her stomach and leaves it be. She swiftly walks to Lexa who’s so deep into the bean bag chair that her lanky body caves into itself. It’s really a funny sight, and what makes Clarke stifle a giggle is how Lexa is still trying to read a book at the same time.

 

“Do you need help?” Clarke offers, extending her hand out. Lexa’s eyes scan Clarke up and down, and the blue eyed girl squirms a bit.

 

“I’m fine,” Lexa mumbles and continues reading. She acts as if she never spoke to Clarke, and she feels a twinge in her chest when the brunette makes no effort to take her hand. But, Clarke being Clarke brushes off Lexa’s usual coldness because she’s convinced that Lexa isn’t the mean, gross girl everyone says she is. They all say she’s ugly, but Clarke thinks Lexa’s forest green eyes are something she wouldn’t mind to memorize.

 

Clarke stays there though as she rocks back and forth on her toes, and Lexa’s eyes switch back and forth between the solid words of her book and a too curious of a girl. It’s been like this for four weeks in class, and Clarke even started to make an effort to walk with her to the bus stop.

 

(Lexa doesn’t know Clarke told her mom to pick her up later instead every day.)

 

She really doesn’t understand what she did to make Clarke stay by her side. What makes her eyes go bright, and what makes her smile so big with glee when she sees her. It’s a puzzle to Lexa, and she does love puzzles, but this one makes her head hurt and nerves itch with irritation. So, when this bubbly golden haired girl seems to defy their classmates warnings- Lexa wants to flail her arms around in frustration. There isn’t any logic in Clarke wanting to be friends with her, and she knows she said they could be friends, but now the kids in their class are even more persistent with their jokes and spiteful remarks. Lexa knows it’s because her clothes are usually stained with dirt and food. She knows it’s because her skin is usually decorated with scrapes and bruises, and she especially knows it’s because she always has books in her small scrawny arms. All the other kids have nice clothes that are definitely up to date, and they don’t bother with books because they rather spend time with other reckless kids.

 

Once Clarke drags herself away with a crestfallen expression, Lexa lets out a sigh. She’d be lying if she said she doesn’t feel bad at the sight of a dejected Clarke. She honestly appreciates Clarke’s attention and care, but her gut twists and there’s a tightening of a knot in her lungs that chokes her heart’s pleas. Lexa doesn’t want Clarke to experience the sharp end of their classmates words. Especially because Finn Collins seems to have an interest in her, and she even saw Raven Reyes and Octavia Blake invite Clarke to their area of the shared lunch table.

 

When it’s time for lunch, they all get in line right in front of the door. Like every other class, every kid has their own number, and Lexa was given the number seven just like last year. What makes her internally groan every time, is being in front of John Murphy who pulls at her curls too harshly with a wicked smirk. She bites back the cries, and sucks it up because no one does anything. Clarke is in front in between Finn and Raven that are all lost in conversation. It’s when Murphy ends up pulling out strands of hair, a stinging sensation behind her glossy eyes, that Octavia shakes Murphy roughly by his shoulders.

 

“Hey, back off Murphy!” Octavia practically shouts, and Lexa’s eyes widen in response. The brunette has only spoken to Lexa a few times, but this is the first time since Kindergarten that Octavia has actually said something. But, what she doesn’t understand is why now.

 

(She doesn’t know that it’s because of Clarke.)

 

“Stay out of it, Blake,” he spits out, and he yanks at Lexa’s long thick hair once again, her body being jerked onto the tiled floor. But, before Octavia can even react, Mr. Kane calls him out; voice sharp and clip as he walks out the storage room.

 

“John Murphy, I will be calling your father.”

 

That’s when Clarke’s head snaps in her direction. Lexa swallows a heavy lump at the sight of electrified blue eyes, and suddenly her hands are clammy when the source of her anxious nerves is practically stomping over.

 

(Clarke ends up getting a call home too when she smacks Murphy; a loud clap that silences everyone in the class.)

 

(Her Dad high-fives her, but her mom sends her to her room with a frown.)

 

Lexa declines Octavia’s offer of sitting with them, and she ignores the disheartened glint of Clarke’s eyes from a distance. She knows she’s being mean by doing this to Clarke. Clarke has done nothing, but be the kind-hearted person she was born as. Lexa’s convinced that if she reaches into Clarke’s chest, she’d find the Sun snug, and warm in there. She doesn’t care for Lexa’s appearances, and she shrugs off what the other kids say about the brunette with that same beaming smile. That’s all Lexa has asked for, but she still shoots down the blonde every time. The guilt has been eating at her, gnawing at her chest as she continues to see the disappointment that flashes across Clarke’s soft features.

 

(Her heart throbs every time because she thinks Clarke is too pretty to wear anything but a smile.)

 

The crowded cafeteria is organized with long tables for each class, and Lexa always sits at the far end that’s closest to the windows. The, “popular kids,” always stay on the inside side of the table, and of course Clarke, Finn, Octavia and Raven are there. Their friends from other classes even come to their table (they’re not supposed to though). It’s Bellamy Blake who is two grades above them, Monty Green and Jasper Jordan who always come with laughter filled grins. Lexa can’t do anything but fight through the grumbling of her stomach, the raw pain of her stomach pleading for some sort of food. To distract herself of course, she carries a book with her at all times. It’s when she’s flipping through a new page that a body shoves her hard enough to stumble onto the cold tiled floor; a sharp contrast to her heated skin. She lands with a huff, and she can feel the pain shoot up her spine, her tailbone obviously in distress at the hard contact. It makes her nerves twitch and she feels a cry lodged, but ready to be let out in her throat.

 

With the slightest movement, she winces as new jolts of pain errupt, and Murphy is cackling as he leers down at her. His friend Atom is right beside him, no better with a smug ass look.

 

“Such a loser,” he chuckles and with a swift kick, her book flies across the cafeteria. Lexa’s completely mortified at the sight of constant footsteps of kids trampling on her brand new book. With each crinkle and tear, her chest rips. Murphy leaves just as quick as he came, and she gulps down the burning tears as she tries her best to move without the wake of new cries from her injury.

 

When she sees golden tresses, and a sheen layer over now cloudy skies, she doesn’t push Clarke away as she helps her to the nurse. Mr. Kane is giving Murphy another ear full of punishments in the corner of the cafeteria. She flinches when the blonde helps her onto the bed, and she’s grateful when Clarke tells the nurse she’ll stay with Lexa till she’s ready. It’s really heartwarming, and maybe that surge of admiration is what makes her mumble coarse words.

 

“Thank you, Clarke.” Clarke’s a giggling mess when she envelopes Lexa in a big hug, her laughter brushing against the sensitive skin of the brunette’s neck. At first, Clarke is too giddy with bright smiles to notice the stiffening of Lexa’s body, the pulse on her neck now tense. But, then she does when she doesn’t feel the returning of a well deserved hug.

 

“Do you not get hugs a lot?” Her voice is a bit muffled by the mass of Lexa’s hair; nonetheless, she hears Clarke and gives a barely noticeable nod.

“Is it okay if I give you the hugs you need?” Clarke’s voice is as small as her body, and Lexa’s heart wavers because the blonde sounds almost frightened of her response. There’s a frailness to her voice, but what makes Lexa’s heart soar soon after- is the fact that Clarke thinks she needs something as simple as hugs in her life. To think, Clarke wants to be the one.

 

“Yes.”

 

Clarke leaves a bit before Lexa does when the nurse holds her up, giving her directions on how to take care of herself. When she’s pulling the chair back from her desk, the high pitched scraping sound as familiar as ever, she notices candy that wasn’t there before. It’s a Crunch chocolate bar, and she snaps her head up, searching for a familiar head of gold hair. When she finds Clarke, the blonde is flustered with rosy cheeks, but she still has that ever present smile stretching her lips. As she pulls the wrapping off, she looks down at her scribbled on desk and sees a handwriting she doesn’t recognize.

 

_I hope you like Crunch_

_-Clarke G._

 

It makes her heart swell, and she hasn’t felt so light before. She doesn’t feel as much as an outcast anymore because Clarke is genuine and it feels so nice to see something on her desk that isn’t another insult.

 

Everything changes after that. Lexa is the one who gestures Clarke over with the simple notion of her nod, she’s the one that pats the blue bean bag next to her as she quietly reads. They never talk when Lexa reads of course, so Clarke busies herself with colorful Crayons (she brags to the other kids about how her Dad got her the ultimate pack, and Lexa rolls her eyes every time, but the trace of a smile says otherwise). Lexa began to notice that most of Clarke’s drawings are of the both of them, and she pushes away the burst of joy that crawls up from the pit of her stomach. When it comes to physical affection, Lexa keeps Clarke away with a flick of her finger to the blonde’s forehead. But, Clarke understands of course and grins her toothy grin at her.

 

Clarke still tries to figure out the reasoning behind her attachment to Lexa, and she’s sure she’ll find out eventually. She’s content with Lexa’s whispers brushing against her ear as the brunette reads to her. She’s more than happy with walking Lexa to the bus stop, and it’s even better because Lexa even talks to her now. Well, that’s if replies that are simply a, “yes,” “no,” or a shrug count. Soon enough, Clarke realized her questions could only be answered with those responses.

 

“Is yellow your favorite color?” Clarke asks, her shoulder brushing against Lexa’s as they walk side-by-side to the bus stop.

 

“No.” Lexa even adds a fierce shake of her head and Clarke is sure to remember that.

 

“Green?”

 

“Yes.” Lexa feels her heart has been shoved up her throat when Clarke’s face is merely an inch away. And from this proximity, she can see the specks of deep waters reflecting the sky above in Clarke’s eyes. With each achingly silent second, Lexa’s nerves are jittery and she doesn’t know how much longer she can take this. Her ears are a bright red, and her palms are getting clammy again with each moment of Clarke looking at her as if she holds everything the blonde needs. Her heart keeps doing this skipping action, but her ribs don’t accommodate for it and seem to close into the flesh of her lungs.

 

“You have green eyes.”

 

It’s late at night when Lexa sneaks into her father Gustus' room. The moonlight barely peeks out of the blinds, and they dance across the puffy black blankets of the bed. Lexa thinks it’s pretty fascinating, and for the tiniest moment she gets a bit lost in her thoughts. She thinks of Clarke with her neat curly handwriting on her desk, Clarke and her countless questions that seem to always swarm in the air around them. No matter what she says, Clarke keeps coming back just as ferociously and it pokes at Lexa’s heart a bit, causing it to tremble every so slightly. She can practically imagine her friend dancing in the moonlight; tripping and stumbling around, but nonetheless smiling just as bright as ever.

 

Her thoughts are halted when she sees the large form of her Dad shuffle, and grumble.

 

“Lexa? What are you doing here?” His voice is heavy with sleep, and reaches the lowest of octaves.

 

“I wanted to ask you something.” Lexa crawls under the blanket, the sudden warmth wrapping around her. She lays on her stomach and rests her head on her arms as she meets her Dad’s curious, but tired eyes.

 

“What could be keeping my little wolf cub up till-” He glances at the clock by his bedside, “Twelve in the morning be?”

 

“W-well, it’s been on my mind for a month or so, and-and I haven’t asked anyone about it yet,” Lexa says, tripping along her words. Even as she plays with her slim fingers, with the countless of bracelets adorning her wrists, he still waits patiently just like how he always has. But, Gustus notices something. On Lexa’s left wrist is a bracelet he doesn’t recognize, but he can make out some letters on the white cube beads that are surrounded with blue gems throughout the entire accessory. It’s obvious it was made from a kit that he can find from the toy section, and he knows Lexa never really played with toys (aside from her trusty stuffed bear), so this isn’t Lexa’s own work. Gustus fights back the smile at the thought of Lexa having a friend because she’s still picking at her fingernails, and he rather not make this harder for her.

 

“Go on, Lex,” he encourages her and scruffs the already messy curls on her head.

 

“W-what’s love, Dad?” His eyes widen, and his silence only proves to make it worse when Lexa cowers almost, her bottom lip puffing out the slightest to pout. Gustus knows it isn’t the time to ask what could’ve brought this, but his heart still swells.

 

“It’s a deep connection that comes from here,” he points to the valley of Lexa’s ribs and she nods in response, eyes so vast and curious. “It’s not the easiest thing to describe, Lex, but it’s a feeling you’d never be able to erase. Everyone has their own definition of it.”

 

Lexa has a serious expression gracing her features when Gustus talks; lips thinned out and eyebrows furrowed as she over thinks like every other day. Completely satisfied with the answer, Lexa then army crawls out of bed, her feet landing with a thud. It’s soon followed with small quicker ones till she closes her bedroom door shut behind her. Gustus is still a bit stunned at the burst of the question, but he still manages to fall back asleep peacefully; a slight heaviness over his chest at the missed warmth that was a permanent safe haven long ago.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

When Lexa wakes up on a Saturday morning, it’s not to the gentle rays of light that glide across her small figure. No, no. She wakes up to a firm body sprawled on top of her. She gets a mouthful of gold hair, and as she struggles to move, it does nothing to stir the smaller girl over her. With squinted eyes, she then realizes it’s none other than Clarke Griffin who’s knocked out in her bed. Lexa doesn’t even want to know _why_ , or _how_ Clarke got here because she’s sure it’ll lead to Clarke answering in that loud, brisk voice of hers. She’s way too hyper for Lexa to handle.

 

“Clarke, get off,” Lexa mutters. Every push she gives, only seems to encourage Clarke to cling tighter to her shirt. Her small hands are balled up on Lexa’s chest, and the brunette can’t find it in herself to get upset with Clarke who has a small smile tracing her lips. She eventually gives up and has no choice but to lay motionless, just hoping her blonde friend will wake up soon.

 

It seems to be years as Lexa waits for Clarke to wake up, and she knows it’s an exaggeration, but she’s hungry and she just wants to get out of bed. As she waits, her eyes graze over Clarke’s sleeping form, and she feels her lungs close up at the sight of a matching bracelet.

 

 _“Look, look! I made us matching bracelets, Lexa!” Clarke is skipping, and running at her and Lexa braces for the tackle she’ll most likely get. Well, she ended up getting it, and now she lays on the dead grass that’s underneath them, her breathing uneven and scattered. Her head is spinning a bit, and the only thing seeming to keep her at bay is Clarke. Clarke and her tousled blonde wavy strands of hair, and her soft hands that are still covered with an array of paint from art class. Clarke and her scent that is an odd mixture of subtle charcoal, vanilla and something that’s just distinguishably_ Clarke.

 

_“What’s wrong Clarke?” Lexa huffs out and supports herself by her elbows, glaring at the ball of energy who hasn’t lost its smile._

 

_“Nothing’s wrong, Lexa. Everything’s right! See! Now we’re best friends for sure,” Clarke declares without losing one breath. She has two bracelets being held by her thumb and fore finger right in front of Lexa’s confused green orbs. It became normal for Clarke to hop to Lexa just for it to lead to their bodies landing on the ground in a heavy pile, and Lexa doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to it._

 

_(She does.)_

 

_“How do bracelets make us best friends?” Lexa asks, voice indifferent with her eyebrow raised. Instantly, Clarke’s expression falls, her eyebrows are knitted together and her bottom lip is tucked in between her teeth. It’s an honest question, but Clarke is pouting and she looks completely heartbroken._

 

_“Are- are we not best friends?” Clarke croaks out, and she’s wiping furiously at her eyes, refusing for Lexa to see her cry. But, the tears well up, and her sky blues are now glistening and Lexa’s heart lurches out at the sight. Clarke hates this. She hates crying, and crying in front of Lexa who’s her equally stubborn, but strong friend isn’t making this any better. But, aren’t they best friends? Wasn’t this supposed to be enough? Her ribs cave in at the thought of not giving enough to have that glorious title no one else has ever had. Clarke really thought that the candy and this bracelet would seal the deal. Her drawings were even a bonus, and she’s sure she did everything right; from walking Lexa every day after school to sharing her lunch with the girl whose lunch always mysteriously goes missing._

 

_(Lexa lies and says ants take her lunch every day.)_

 

_(Lexa doesn’t want more trouble with Murphy.)_

 

_“C- Clarke, don’t cry. We’re best friends, okay? Alright? See?” Lexa slips on the bracelet, the pointed edges of the gems digging into her skin a bit, but she can’t find it in herself to complain. No one has ever made her something like this, and her eyes grow wide when she reads Clarke’s name on her own bracelet._

 

_“I- I’m supposed to have your name, and you- you have mine so that everyone knows that we’re each other’s,” Clarke explains, her cracked voice filled with hiccups. Lexa is sure that it’s really not supposed to be this way, and that these bracelets make it seem as if they’re more than best friends, but it’s heartfelt and she can’t swallow down the lump of nerves in her throat._

_“Okay.”_

 

_“Mine is green because you have green eyes,” Clarke states matter-of-factly, bringing her wrist close to Lexa’s face._

 

_The brunette can’t deny how endearing Clarke can be. Especially with her clumsy self who continues to try to be just as agile as Lexa on the playground, and at PE. The Clarke who has memorized all of Lexa’s favorite books by heart, who sneaks extra cookies in her pocket from the lunch line just for her (Clarke found out Lexa has a sweet tooth), and of course the Clarke that has just as many bandaids as Lexa on her body. It’s not because she fell from her bike, or her skateboard like Lexa. It’s because she keeps getting paper cuts from drawing stuff for Lexa, from writing letters for Lexa that her nimble fingers are always bandaged. Lexa. Lexa. Lexa._

 

_Clarke can’t get Lexa out of her head, and she’s still perfectly okay with that._

 

Looking back at the memory is a whirlwind, and Lexa’s heartbeat begins its irregular thumping just at the thought of Clarke Griffin only seeing her. Only looking at her and adoring all the little traits of Lexa. She’s sure the blonde can hear the nebula beneath the cage of her frail ribs, and Lexa feels as if someday her heart will just explode out of her chest- right into Clarke’s safe small hands.

 

With a bit of uncomfortable squirming, a whine and a string of muttering slip out of Clarke’s lips. Clarke forgets for a moment on where she is, but then she feels the abnormal heat emitting from the body under her. She meets endless forests, and her pulse quickens, causing her throat to tighten the slightest. Lexa is the only person she knows who has an infinite supply of comforting warmth, and she smiles that smile that’s just _Lexa’s_ smile. It shows all of Clarke’s pearly teeth, and Lexa is sure Clarke doesn’t realize there’s this special glint that’s only meant for her. It’s only meant to be in the safe quarters that include just them, and Lexa admits that she loves it. For once, she loves attention, but only Clarke’s of course.

 

“Mornin’, Lex,” Clarke mumbles, rubbing at her eyes that are heavy with sleep. She doesn’t make any effort to move from her spot. It’s because Lexa is too comfortable, and too warm to leave. The extra warmth makes her body groggy.

 

“Why are you here?” There isn’t any hint of annoyance, or the hint of another snappy remark and Clarke relaxes even more into Lexa.

 

“I missed you.” It’s a simple, quick and honest answer, but it’s weighted on Lexa’s lungs.

 

“We saw each other yesterday, Clarke,” reminds with a quirk of her brow.

 

“We don’t spend enough time together,” Clarke mumbles with a frown. Lexa eases the creases in between the blonde’s eyebrows with her thumb, and Clarke instantly melts at the touch. For a moment, Clarke forgets why she was upset, and her eyes slowly close.

 

“We spend a lot of time together.” Lexa means to sound teasing, but instead her words are full with something mixed between longing and adoration for a tiny girl that never knows when to stop.

 

“Not enough,” Clarke grumbles and lifts her head up, a deep pout on her face.

 

“Yes, yes. Whatever you say, Clarke.” And, Clarke grins triumphantly while Lexa just rolls her eyes with a warmth only Clarke brings out.

 

Eventually, they both get up and leave Lexa’s room. When they enter the small expanse of the kitchen, Gustus is there swaying back and forth as he stirs whatever is in the pan. Lexa takes in a deep breath and the scent of warm eggs and fluffy, sweet pancakes enters her nose. She feels her stomach rumble, the hunger she pushed away coming back at full force. But, Lexa being Lexa, she doesn't drool over the food like Clarke (at least on the surface because she hasn't smelled cavity causing maple syrup in weeks and she feels like she'll combust if the food doesn't finish quick enough). She sits in her usual spot at the counter in the tall chair and Clarke settles in right beside her after a bit of struggling.

 

Clarke’s feet thump against the wood of the counter, her chubby face perched on her elbows as she attentively watches Gustus cook. It reminds her of her Dad and how much she misses him. But, she knows he'll be back soon from his trip and then there'll be sticky notes with a new doodle and a cheesy pickup line that are not related to each other at all on the fridge again. The thought makes her heart pick up in excitement and of course Lexa notices.

 

“You seem extra happy, Clarke.” Lexa doesn't sound annoyed or teasing. Just pure curiosity and it's as if she's happy herself just because Clarke is.

 

(If that's true, Clarke feels her heartbeat skip faster, and faster till it reaches her ears.)

 

“My Dad will be home soon and you can finally meet him! I know he'll love you. You guys are both nerdy and you both read a lot. Promise me you'll sleepover the night he comes back,” Clarke practically squeaks the words out and her eyes are wide, buzzing with an even brighter glee. So, when Lexa feels the polite declining of Clarke’s offer bitter on her tongue, she feels her gut twist.

 

“I don't think-”

 

“Of course Clarke. As long as your parents are okay with it,” Gustus cuts in with that low, but gentle voice of his and appears before them with two plates full of food. Under his long beard, Lexa can see an almost mirthful grin on his lips.

 

“Wait, Dad-”

 

“Really Mr. Woods? You'd let her?” Clarke is practically standing in her seat, hands planted firmly on the cold counter as the chair tilts forward. Lexa is convinced she'll fall over with that amount of force.

 

“You can call me Gustus, Clarke, but yes. As long as they're okay with it.” A low rumble of a chuckle escapes from his chest. He places the food down and leaves only to come back with two glasses of orange juice. Lexa’s mouth is a bit agape, eyebrows knit together. But, she stays quiet as they eat. On the other hand, Clarke and Gustus are talking and a part of Lexa feels at peace.

 

Back at school, they're on the playground. Lexa is doing the usual and sitting atop the monkey bars. Clarke is beside her sitting on the mulch, sketchbook in her hands and Lexa lets her eyes linger longer than necessary. She traces over the stray blonde hair hovering over Clarke’s eyes, her braid a bit tousled from running around. Never did she think a girl as outgoing, loud, and energetic would be her best friend. _Best friend._

 

“Hey, Clarke.” Clarke perks up at that, not exactly used to Lexa making conversation. She stands up, sketchbook held close to her chest as she looks up at alexa.

 

“Yeah?” But, Lexa doesn't ask or say what she wants to right away. She simply just stares. Clarke squirms, but Lexa doesn't seem to understand why the blonde would be uncomfortable. “Lex?”

 

“Why did you want to be friends in the first place?” The words aren't heavy, instead they're light and airy and Clark realizes Lexa really doesn't understand. As if she expects for people to just ignore her. So, she contemplates a bit. Trying to form the correct words to express her thoughts without being the rambling mess she typically is. _Lexa is serious. I need to be serious._ Lexa is patient as ever. Still staring, still waiting with the quirk of her brow, silently wondering what Clarke is thinking about. Lexa looks at her as if she's a puzzle. A labyrinth that she doesn't know if she wants to solve or just wander through forever aimlessly.

 

(Both sound appealing in their own twisted way.)

 

“You're different.” Clarke shrugs. “You don't care about making friends, you just stay in your own bubble.” Lexa grows more confused by the second because isn’t that _exactly_ why the other kids don't approach her? “I like that you’re just you, and who you are is different from the rest. You're weird, and I like weird.”

 

Lexa’s heart swells (she refuses to admit that of course). It opens up, this lightness to it and warmth that she hasn't had in a while since her Mom unwillingly left. It's nice and something foreign that no longer is. She looks down at the floor, her mess of curls following the movement. She gnaws on her bottom lip, and she can feel Clarke watching her silently. Patiently for once, even.

 

“I like that you're different too, Clarke.”


	2. Don't You Let Me Go

“Clarke! You're going to be late!” It's been five years now and it's the first day of 6th grade. Clarke, of course, woke up late and is currently stuffing all the necessities in her bright blue backpack.

 

“I'm coming Mom!” She races down the steps and lands on the floor with a thump. As soon as she makes one step, she's blinded with a bright light and she's sure she didn't do anything to see the light so soon.

 

“Jake, you're going to blind her.” Abby crouches before Clarke, patting down her now disheveled hair.

 

“Memories! Once Clarke gets a worthy partner, it'll be great blackmail don't you think?” Jake is grinning down at Clarke, the camera around his neck. But, Clarke just glares. At least she think she is because all she sees are color spots and no matter how much she rubs at her eyes, they come back.

 

“Come on, Clarke. Let's get you to school without getting blind.” Abby shoos him away and he just laughs that hearty, hoarse laugh he has and disappears in the kitchen.

 

In the car ride, Clarke can't stop thinking about Lexa. She wasn't there for most of the summer and just got back yesterday because she spent time in Florida with her parents and her Mom’s parents.

 

_“I think it's fitting that they live in Florida. It's where old people retire.”_

 

Is what Jake whispered to Clarke before they knocked on the door.

 

So now, Clarke doesn't even know if Lexa and her have any classes together. Lexa doesn't have her own phone yet, and Jake being Jake, insisted on helping Gustus get Lexa a smartphone even though Gustus said that a smartphone isn't necessary.

 

_“Gustus, it's the 21st Century! Who uses a flip phone still?”_

 

_“I do and it works perfectly fine.”_

 

The two fathers of course bonded rather quickly, and it just made it where Lexa and Clarke had even more time together. It wasn't just Lexa that gained a best friend.

 

“Mom, do you think Lexa misses me? She has to for sure, right?” Clarke fiddles with her fingers, and Abby finds the action quite endearing.

 

“Clarke, even though Lexa isn't as expressive as you, you're her best friend. I know for sure she feels the same as you.” Abby is quick to reassure her daughter and Clarke immediately calms down with relaxed shoulders. The rest of the car ride is quiet, only the radio filling in the silence. And it's unlike Clarke to be so quiet and calm actually. But, Abby knows it's nothing to worry about because it's obviously about Lexa; the scrawny girl who has taken her daughter’s heart.

 

As soon as they reach the curb to the school, Clarke is quick to bounce out the car. But, she's held back by her Mom who leaves a sloppy kiss to her cheek and drives away with a faint “I love you.”

 

Clarke scans the crowds, and she can already tell who the 8th graders are; taller kids with bigger groups who are obviously out of dress code even though there really isn't one. She can already imagine where Lexa would be. She heads inside, looking down at the map that's in her agenda. Class starts in twenty minutes, and she's sure she'll find her best friend there.

 

And, of course she does. There sitting on the floor in front of one of the bookcase, is Lexa with new black framed glasses that weren't there before. Her hair is still the hazard of curls it is, but slightly a bit more tamed. Clarke sneaks her phone out and takes a snags a photo before finally saying something.

 

“I'm not surprised to see you here,” Clarke snickers. She sits in front of Lexa, legs crossed before her. In response, Lexa’s eyes widen, and when their eyes meet, Clarke is met with that same intense, but gentle green eyes she has loved ever since she saw them.

 

“Clarke.” Clarke has never realized it when they were little, but there's this thing Lexa has always done; this soft click of the “k” in her name.

 

“Did you miss me?” Clarke can't help the picking up of her heartbeat as she anticipates the answer.

 

“It wasn't as entertaining without you there.” It's a silent _I miss you._ And it's enough for Clarke.

 

“So, lemme see your schedule you nerd.”

 

It turns out, they have more classes than they thought they would: Honors Science, Honors English, PE, and Art. four out of six classes and Clarke couldn't be happier. They have the same math subject, but of course Lexa is way better in math.

 

“I suppose we're going to class together four times in a row,” Lexa says with a barely noticeable smile. Most people would just see it as nothing, but it's a smile to Clarke; something rare and beautiful.

 

First period is English. Of course, at the first opportunity, Clarke grabs Lexa and makes sure they're right next to each other. The classroom is decorated with posters and pictures of all sorts. There's computers lined up in the back right by the wide windows, even a small bookcase with a red comfy rug and black bean bags. Instantly, Clarke thinks of a skinny Lexa that would sink right into it with a thick book. She has a feeling she'll like this class a lot. Especially Lexa. Lexa already looks excited. Well, that's if her tugging her lips up ever so slightly with lifted eyebrows count as excited. A huge part of Clarke knows Lexa wants to be a writer. It just seems like it'd be something she’d love doing.

 

“Hello, I'm Mr. Kane and I'll be your teacher for this class.” And, that's how it starts off. They do nothing of course. Just him going over the syllabus, letting everyone talk to each other.

 

“Clarke!” She looks up, and she internally groans right off the bat. It's Finn Collins. She didn't even notice him because she was too invested in Lexa. _Lexa. Lexa. Lexa._ Lexa who was telling Clarke how amazing the books they're going to be reading are. Her eyes were bright, this spark in them that made Clarke’s heart soar. Out of the corner of her eye, she can see the signature Woods’ stare. Gustus and Lexa really have a talent for making people shit their pants.

 

“Uh, hi Finn,” Clarke greets with an awkward smile. It doesn't phase Finn. He just flips his annoyingly floppy hair and stuffs his hands in his pockets.

 

“So, how was your summer? Anything exciting?” Already, Clarke is uninterested and gives him half-ass responses. He never gets the hint though and it only fuels Clarke’s annoyance. But, it doesn't irritate Clarke as much as Lexa. The girl has a shit ton of tolerance, but that goes out the window when Finn walks in with that puffed out chest of pride. It makes her skin ignite.

 

“Finn, if you claim to be the gentleman you are, you would not rudely interrupt a conversation.” Lexa’s voice is clip and sharp, eyes ablaze and this is the Lexa Woods everyone stays away from. But, Clarke actually likes this side of Lexa. Because Lexa stands up just for the sole sake of helping and protecting Clarke. It leaves her a bit breathless, yet it's also the time when she can also breathe. Lexa doesn't care for others, but she cares for Clarke.

 

(More than her mind would ever like, but her heart demands more.)

 

Clarke just looks at Lexa with wide eyes, and Finn isn't any better as his mouth opens and closes repeatedly. Clarke tries to stifle a laugh, but Lexa is stoic as ever.

 

“I- “

 

“Please leave.” Lexa ends it on that note and he just leaves with dejected, slumped shoulders.

 

“Well, you definitely know how to get him to shut up,” Clarke says with that cheeky grin of hers. It makes Lexa’s chest swell with pride and the tiniest smirk on her lips is enough of an indicator for Clarke.

 

“He annoys me with his stupidly floppy, overgrown hair,” Lexa breathes the words out with a sigh and Clarke just giggles in response.

 

“Don't worry Lex, he has nothing on your hair.” She scruffs those adorable chestnut curls she has came to love and leans over to place a quick kiss to her best friend’s cheek. It's an innocent action, but it leaves them buzzing as if they've been drinking for hours on end, just breathing in each other’s scents. Lexa’s cheek is seared and Clarke’s lips are burning.

 

“I only care for what you think Clarke.”

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

They're halfway through the school year and Clarke is currently lounging on Lexa’s bed as she paces back and forth flipping through the pages of her textbook. Her room hasn't changed as much aside from the larger bed that can actually fit both of them. The walls are a pastel green, a minimum amount of family photos on her wall and two fully stacked book cases on the far side. In front of the window is a nearly, organized desk with piles of books and notebooks. The only thing that's rather colorful is the one wall that's reserved solely for Clarke and her artwork. Last year on Christmas, Jake gave Lexa a polaroid, claiming she needed more personal touches. And, Lexa made it a habit eventually to take as many pictures as she could. Of course, every photo has Clarke in there and Lexa wouldn't want it any other way.

 

“Lex, you're worrying too much. You've gone through all your study guides three times and you've been pacing back and forth like a tennis match and it's giving me a headache trying to keep track.” An annoyed, loud groan escapes from Clarke’s chest and Lexa just glares at her, ignoring her words completely.

 

“I need to ace every single test, Clarke.”

 

“We're only in middle school.” Clarke sits up.

 

“Yes, but this way, I can prepare-”

 

“Yeah, yeah prepare for the future. Get in the habit of studying. Making sure to pass every class to get scholarships. Have way more responsibility than one middle schooler can carry and also volunteer till your body finally shuts down and then you might as well just die because fun doesn’t exist in your fu- ”

 

“Okay! I get it Clarke.” Lexa lands on the bed with a huff and sprawls out. “What should I do then, Gryffindor?” That earns the chucking of a pillow.

 

“Loosen up, you Ravenclaw nerd. There’s more to life than just trying to be the best all the time,” Clarke says the words with ease, yet they feel heavy on Lexa’s shoulders. But, a part of Lexa knows Clarke is right and she decides to not try to start pointless arguments.

 

“Such as?” Lexa lifts her eyebrow at Clarke questioningly, almost challenging her to think of something that could actually deter her from her academic goals.

 

“Well, Christmas is coming up. We can watch Christmas movies and buy gifts and even hang out with O and Ray,” Clarke says, a cheerful clap to the end of her sentence and Lexa can think of many other things she rather do, but Clarke looks way too happy about those ideas and she can't find it in herself to deny that smile.

 

It's not as if she has anything against Octavia or Raven. Hell, she considers them rather close friends. Octavia is ambitious and does everything with a full heart much like Clarke. Raven is witty and outgoing just like Clarke. She sees Clarke in them and she knows that's why she has come to like them as much as she has. It all changed in 3rd grade when Octavia shoved Murphy and his other friends to the floor along with Raven after shoving Lexa off the swing. The two of them looked at Lexa with mischief in their eyes and they've stuck around courtesy of Clarke’s approval.

 

The one person Lexa has a bit of trouble with is Octavia's older brother Bellamy. At first, he wasn't an issue, but then Lexa noticed the eyes he gave Clarke, the extra effort he put in his gifts for her every Christmas and every Birthday. He even gets her these sickeningly sweet chocolates that Clarke actually hates.

 

“My definition of ‘fun’ is staying indoors and enjoying a good book.” Lexa knows it'll get her nowhere, but she never said she'd make it easy for Clarke.

 

“ _C’mon, Lex!_ You need to have other forms of fun.” Clarke bounces up, feet firmly on the ground and hands resting on her hips as she stares down at her best friend.

 

“Whatever you say, Clarke.”

 

_Stupid Lexa. Stupid way to say my name. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

 

And, Clarke is true to her word when they're at the mall. Jake has of course accompanied them. So far, they've gotten Abby a rather expensive diamond necklace, Gustus finally gets the cooking equipment he's been dying for, Raven and Octavia both get posters of their favorite artists and even handmade bracelets from Clarke. When it comes to their gifts for each other, they split ways.

 

Lexa goes to the art store while Jake goes along with Clarke. He handed her a fifty-dollar bill with a wink added before Clarke drags him away. Now, in the middle of the store, Lexa stares at the money, trying her best to think of what would make Clarke the happiest. So, she heads to the isle filled with sketchbooks and all kinds of pencils. Clarke deserves the best, and Lexa is willing to give her best friend that with all her heart. It takes over twenty minutes by the time Lexa is bouncing over to the cashier with a box of charcoal pencils and a sketchbook of a brand Clarke has always praised.

 

That Christmas, Lexa opens a rather haphazardly wrapped gift. It’a thick, but fits perfectly in both of her hands. So, even though the wrapping might as well just be ripped open, Lexa still opens it with care. Maybe it's because she knows it's Clarke’s careful hands and her tender heart that were filled into this gift. It could even be because that if something could fit that perfectly, then it deserves the gentleness and care that could drift someone asleep.

 

When she opens it after persisting Clarke’s whines and complaints, her heart is stuck between lodging into her throat and sinking into her stomach.

 

“I remember you saying you wanted this book of poetry.” Clarke rubs the back of her neck bashfully, that shy smile of hers that doesn't show her teeth, but lifts up at the corner the tiniest bit and it makes Lexa’s heart thump with a surge of fondness.

 

“Thank you, Clarke.” What leaves Clarke gaping is the faint, yet static sensation left on her cheek after Lexa’s lips leave.

 

“We’re best friends, Lex.” It explains it all.

 

Later that Christmas day, they're snuggled up in Clarke’s bed, their stomachs filled with Abby’s pecan pie and Jake’s famous steak. They stare up at the ceiling, glow in the dark stickers of stars, planets and rockets plastered as if it truly is the night sky itself. Clarke points at the stars, imagining as if they really are stars, and Lexa follows along with this glitter of wonder in her eyes. They're snug under Clarke’s blanket that is of course filled with constellations and planets. Lexa’s hand is sweaty in Clarke’s, but she doesn't complain because if Lexa wasn't the typical heater she is, then Clarke doesn't think Lexa would be real. Alive even.

 

“I get to paint you all these stars,” Clarke murmurs, her arm falling limp beside her once she's done pointing at the ones above.

 

“I get to write you poems,” Lexa says, but she still doesn't face Clarke.

 

“About me?”

 

“Who else?”

 

As Lexa is drifting away, the comfort and sleep finally consuming all the food she ate, she feels a faint breath brushing against her cheek. Then, there's the slightest weight of a body on top of hers along with the squeaking of the bed. Finally, it's a pair of lips, awfully close to the corner of her mouth. Not even awfully. Lexa defines it something related to magic, something captivating like the stars.

 

“Merry Christmas, Lex.”

 

Lexa feels her face flare up, her lips tingling with a sort of longing for something more. Something more than her twelve year-old self can handle. But, she still is taken away into deep slumber.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

6th grade was anything but eventful. Clarke helped Lexa in art class, Lexa helped Clarke on the math homework she typically tried to throw away out of frustration. It was just another year of middle school. Raven and Octavia stuck around, Murphy was just Murphy but further away as Octavia barred her teeth at him, and Raven threatening with her schemes and pranks. Bellamy and Finn- well, they just plain out annoyed Lexa to no end. Bellamy was going onto high school, but Finn was here to stay of course.

 

Now, they're in 7th grade, the first day is not any different than any other first day. Filled with syllabuses even the teachers have grown tired of. Some have even straight out said “You are all old enough to know what and what not to do.” Some classes are filled with this awkward silence as students who barely know each other are forced to sit next to one another. But, then there's Clarke. Then, there's Lexa who tries to block out her best friend, but of course, since when did Clarke listen? She's an enigma. Something mysterious, something open all at once because her heart is real and true as she holds it out. Lexa finds herself struggling with trying to control the constant change and energy Clarke is. She can explode one moment, and pull into herself to create a calm, serene state of mind.

 

What makes this all so much worse, is the fact Raven and Octavia are in one of their classes- PE. Octavia is a firecracker ready to be lit, and Raven is that lighter that's eager to cause an explosion. It's overwhelming and reassuring all at once.

 

“I hate our PE uniforms.” Octavia pulls at the shirt in disgust. Their colors are simply black and grey with a touch of blue. But, for some odd stupid reason, the school’s mascot is a boat. A stupid boat that skips around and cheers at basketball games.

 

“Our mascot isn't any better, O,” Raven murmurs. She folds the sleeves of the shirt up, exposing her arms that are just as scrawny as Lexa’s.

 

“This school just sucks like any other school,” Clarke murmurs. Lexa just stands quietly beside her, tucking in her gym shirt like how they're supposed to. Clarke just ends up pulling the shirt back out.

 

“Clarke-” Lexa grits out.

 

“The girls in this class take forever to change,” Raven groans the words out, and she's not very quiet because the other girls around just glare at her. “And they’re so loud,” she adds after. It earns a jab from Octavia.

 

It's been two weeks already since school started, and most of the other kids are testing the patience of the PE teachers. Specifically, of course, Murphy and his trusty friend Atom. Everyone has assigned spots for where Mr. Pike takes attendance and for stretching, but the two of them always decide to jump around to talk to their other friends. They never do the stretches and always sneak off when they run laps and the rest of the class has to deal with the brute force of Mr. Pike’s pissy mood.

 

“I swear to God, if those two little fuckin-”

 

“O-kay, Rae, how about you just be quiet.” Octavia wraps her arms around her friend, hand reaching out to her mouth.

 

“Thff fuhckin-”

 

“Shut your mouth.” Octavia swats the back of her head.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

This is when things started to go downhill. After Finn’s constant, rather forward approaches to Clarke, she gave in. It was before winter break during finals. Lexa, as usual, was busy studying, making sure she got the grades that would meet the expectations of not only her father, but the teachers who constantly helped push her. So, Clarke was practically alone the few weeks before winter finals. Clarke knows the loneliness she felt was no excuse. It’s because somewhere along the line, she began to grow fond of Finn’s lopsided smiles (that reminded her too much of Lexa’s but she won't admit that), and his cheesy letters and easygoing personality. It was out of nowhere, and Clarke beats herself up over it because she knows Lexa won't be happy.

 

(All she wants is for Lexa to be happy.)

 

Even when her heart felt heavy, and when she felt guilt coil and burn in her stomach, she said yes to Finn under the cloudy sky after school. Clarke tried to avoid Lexa. She really did. But, after they finished all their tests, Lexa was pouncing on her with that lopsided, addicting smile of hers in her room and Clarke was in too deep and she couldn't handle the disgust she felt.

 

“I'm dating Finn.” The words come out quickly and rushed. Clarke even closes her eyes when she says them. She knows she should've expected this, but it doesn't make the twist of pain in her chest any better. Lexa pulls herself away, a look of betrayal almost. Clarke can hear her raging thoughts. Thoughts Lexa does not say. _How could you? When did this happen? Did you lie to me? Why have you been hiding this?_

 

Lexa nods stiffly and her reply isn't any better.

 

“I hope he treats you well.” And, just like that, Lexa is out of her room by the time Clarke blinks and the dread in Clarke’s stomach eats at her the rest of the night. It carries on throughout the week, and the weight turns into bricks and the twisting grows tighter tighter. She feels as if she's missing something every second Lexa isn't beside her. It isn't complete. Everything is dull and Clarke has never had a dull moment in her life since she met Lexa that day on the playground.

 

“Lex, please open up.” Clarke has been pounding her head on Lexa’s door for the past twenty minutes. All she received was a cautious silence and the quiet murmuring of the TV.

 

“I'm sorry for not telling you sooner. Please don't shut me out any longer. My bed is too cold and empty without you.” Maybe it's the crack at the end of her voice, or the fact Clarke has slumped to the floor in near defeat. But, it's most likely both when Lexa creeks the door open and looks at Clarke with slightly wide green eyes filled with an indistinguishable look of pure longing. _I missed you._

 

Lexa wordlessly lets her in and Clarke silently sits beside her best friend on her bed. She makes sure to leave enough space between them. Lexa will leap away anytime she feels as if she's being attacked or overwhelmed. Much like a gazelle and a lion. So, she lets Lexa dictate this conversation.

 

“I just want you to be happy, Clarke. I just wish you told me sooner and trusted me.” Lexa sounds genuinely hurt, and the pain in those lovely green eyes of hers make the guilt come crawling back up her throat.

 

“I do! I just...I felt like I'd disappoint you or something.”

 

Lexa stares at her, analyzing her and Clarke squirms because Lexa is always measured. Lexa always has something going on and she always knows what to say. If there ever comes a time where she doesn't, then there's something terribly, terribly wrong.

 

“You shouldn't feel that way with me, Clarke. We're best friends and I love you no matter what.” Ah, that unconditional love. That voice drowned with that same adoration Clarke finds herself melting over each and every time. It's smooth, yet hushed at the edges and it makes Clarke’s heart swell. Lexa has an old, understanding soul and Clarke feels as if she's been loving that same soul for longer than she can count.

 

“I love you too,” Clarke squeaks the words out, eyes growing glossy and aching as she forces the tears back. But, then Lexa gives her that close lipped smile and she's a sobbing ball of mess in her best friend's arms.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

Finn actually does treat Clarke good and it irks and makes Lexa happy all at once. They're the new “it” couple in 7th grade. They're always seen together, always holding hands and laughing with wide smiles and loud laughter. But, then Lexa is left to watch her best friend leave for a boy Clarke ignored most of the time.

 

“When was the last time you guys had a sleepover?” Raven asks, chin resting on her palm as she looks at Lexa from across the lunch table. It's loud as usual, and as usual Clarke sneaks off to sit at Finn’s table when she's not supposed to. Which leaves Lexa, Raven, and Octavia at their table with their PE class that they just had. It seems as if it's been forever since Lexa had the time to drink in Clarke’s laughter, had the time to memorize her beaming smile that always leaves Lexa buzzing with glee.

 

“Two weeks ago or so? I lost count.” Octavia snickers and Raven tosses a grape at Lexa’s forehead.

 

“Meaning that you’ve been counting everyday,” Raven corrects, but she looks just as fed up as Lexa and Octavia.

 

“We know this won't last. It's only been a month and the honeymoon phase always fades which just leads to them being at each other’s throats. I've seen it happen with Bell and his last girlfriend. Ugly.” Octavia shrugs it off. “It's just something that will fade over time.” _Would Clarke and I fade?_ Lexa keeps that to herself, and leaves her dull heart throb in her chest. It doesn't feel right and a part of her wishes she just told Clarke to drop him. That she wasn't okay with it. She wanted to be selfish and keep Clarke all to herself. But, that's how she loses her, and Lexa can't handle losing another person she loves.

 

“As long as she's happy,” Lexa says instead.

 

“You mean, as long as she's happy with _you_.” Raven corrects once again and Octavia nods in agreement. Lexa just grumbles and carries on with reading her book, leaving the food Clarke left for her untouched. Octavia takes care of it anyways.

 

It carries on like that for a few more weeks; Clarke getting too invested into Finn, and Lexa busying her time with her classes. But, then it changes one night. It's late at night and Lexa is upstairs in her bedroom finishing up the book for English class. Right when she closes the book, there's this sort of clinking sound. Her eyes widen, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but she still stands up from her desk. As she walks over to the window on the far side of her room, the sound continues and she opens the window. She feels her heart swell and clench down when she sees none other than Clarke Griffin with a dufflebag and irritated, puffy eyes.

 

“Clarke, what are you doing here?” Lexa whispers rather loudly. She doesn't know whether she should be pissed as hell, or happy because her best friend is right down there, real and radiant as ever.

 

“Something happened with Finn and I-” But Lexa doesn't let her finish. She storms down the stairs, and she doesn't care if Gustus wakes up, all she cares about is Clarke. _Clarke. Clarke. Clarke._ She swings the door open, chest heaving, but what leaves her breathless is upfront view of red, puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. Her typically well kept tresses are tousled, as if she was pulling at it and her clothes are all wrinkled.

 

“Come here.” And Clarke does. She collapses in Lexa’s arms, anchoring herself down because the weight on her shoulders is too immense and her heart is heavy in her chest. Wordlessly, they go to Lexa's room. Just as silently, Clarke sprawls out on her best friend’s bed, and Lexa just sits at her desk patiently, giving her the space she needs.

 

“I still have the bracelet. It doesn't fit anymore, so I always keep it in my pocket,” Clarke cuts the silence, but she still doesn't meet Lexa’s strong gaze. Then, “I look at it everyday and remind myself that I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you.”

 

Lexa takes in a sharp breath, and that's what seems to get Clarke to finally let her eyes bore into Lexa's. They hold each other’s gaze for a bit. Heart to heart, chest to chest and it seems to be enough.

 

(Lexa can never have enough of Clarke.)

 

“I keep yours around the neck of my wolf sculpture.” True to her word, Lexa shows the proof to Clarke, and she feels her heart inflate at the sight.

 

“I’ve been a really bad friend, Lex. I know I have and I- I want to fix this, for sure this time. Keeping a boyfriend isn't as important as keeping you. You're my best friend,” Clarke squeaks the words out, and her eyes are growing glossy again. The strain in her voice makes Lexa’s body tremble.

 

“Clarke, we'll always be best friends. You can trust me with anything.” Lexa closes the distance and sits beside Clarke who sits up. Immediately, Clarke grips onto Lexa’s hand, basking in the warmth and softness.

 

“Finn said he won't be with me anymore if I don't kiss him,” Clarke mumbles and the words barely reach Lexa’s ears, but she still hears them and her skin ignites. “But- but I don't want to kiss him, Lex. I don't-” She breaks out into harsh sobs and wipes furiously at her eyes. It does nothing of course, but Lexa is always there and cups Clarke’s cheeks, her thumbs brushing away the tears.

 

“Clarke, if you're not ready to kiss him, then don't kiss him.” It sounds so simple to Lexa and it should be, but Clarke is Clarke and tends to overthink. She tears at her bottom lip, meeting Lexa’s eyes from under her eyelashes.  

 

“He said that since we've been together for two months, we should've kissed by then.”

 

“I don't think time should matter. What matters is your feelings,” Lexa states more than anything. She inches closer to Clarke, letting her fingers fill in the empty gaps in between her best friend’s. Clarke watches Lexa, and Lexa does the same. Their breaths mingle and their thoughts are both going everywhere and nowhere.

 

“Clarke-”

 

“Lex-”

 

They both break out into wide smiles.

 

(Well, that's if a barely noticeable tug of a lip counts as a smile.)

 

(Clarke thinks it counts.)

 

“I want _you_ to be my first kiss.” Lexa feels the words resonate loud and strong in her chest and her heart is ready to burst at the seams. She lets it sink in, even waiting for Clarke to take it back. But, it never comes, and like every other time, Lexa’s hands are clammy when Clarke looks at her with this sort of purpose and reason that shakes her bones.

 

“Me?”

 

“Who else?”

 

Lexa still looks dumbfounded and Clarke looks impatient as she wears a frown.

 

“You don't want to kiss?” Clarke huffs.

 

“N- no that's not it. It's just- girls aren't supposed to kiss other girls and guys can't kiss other guys.” Lexa shrugs, but there's a weight that shouldn't be there.

 

“The other kids said we shouldn't be friends, but now we are.” Lexa lets out a long sigh, and the nod of approval she gives is barely noticeable.

 

The bed squeaks under them when Clarke scoots closer. Lexa feels her heart in her throat, pulsing and heavy as she tries to breathe. Her blood is rushing to her ears and the only thing she's attuned to is Clarke’s touch; the brushing of her hair against Lexa’s cheek as she inches closer and closer. Her eyes flutter closed and Clarke’s follow once their noses are touching.

 

That same burning sensation that wasn't enough for Lexa before, finally is. The kiss isn't a simple peck, but it's not a full on  makeout session either. It's a small lip lock and it leaves both of them with heavy hearts and breathless lungs. When they pull away, they both try to catch their own breaths. Their eyes don't leave each other's, the only thing that leaves is the thought of them _only_ being best friends.

 

“See, now I'm your first kiss too.” Lexa just nods, not knowing what to say for once and it seems as if it's only this way when Clarke is around.

 

“So, what about you and Finn?” Lexa takes in a deep breath, letting herself gather her thoughts.

 

“I honestly don't know. We didn't break up, but...It doesn't feel right with him, y’know? I feel like I just started having feelings because I felt like it was the right thing to do. It sounds terrible, but I felt bad.” Clarke’s eyes widen, realizing what she just said and she hangs her head, hands coming come to cover her face. “God, Lex, I'm a terrible person. I can't believe I did that. He deserves a girl that returns his feelings. Not- not me.”

 

Lexa gently pries Clarke’s hands away and tales them into her own. When she meets her best friend’s eyes, there's this intensity to it that always says more than words ever could.

 

“Clarke, our actions don't always define us and it's not your fault. You're the kind of person that will do what the other person wants, not what you want. You want to like Finn because it'd make him happy. It doesn't always work out for both sides.” Lexa shrugs, rubbing small circles across pale hands. It seems to do it's job because Clarke drops her head onto Lexa’s shoulder, nestling her face into the crook of her neck.

 

“You're really wise for your age, Lex.” A hum. “But, it's really helpful.” A small smile graces Lexa’s face, and she can still feel all the heat in her cheeks.

 

“Only meant for your ears of course.” It earns a bubbly, warm giggle against Lexa’s neck, and she brings her arms to wrap around Clarke, enjoying the fact she made the weight lighter on her best friend.

 

“Can we go to sleep?” Clarke’s words come out as gentle puffs of air and it causes chills to dance down Lexa’s spine.

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

They settle under the covers, Clarke of course not letting Lexa get any space by letting most of her body rest on top of hers. Lexa has learned to stop complaining and just runs her fingers through soft gold tresses. Something like this, something so sweet and something that was nurtured with attentive care- is something Lexa knows will never be created again. It just won't. It leaves her heart swelling with an undeniable comfort and acceptance and her stomach always feels the light fluttering of wings; it's just something she never wants to get rid of. Soon enough, Clarke's breathing slows down and she's fast asleep with Lexa’s arms securely holding her back down to Earth.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“It's your fault Clarke broke up with me!” It's after school and Lexa is waiting for her bus as usual at the bus loop. She was sitting in her usual spot with a book in the shade with her usual bus buddy, Octavia Blake. It turned out they lived in the same neighborhood. Both of their heads snap up, both of their books nearly falling out their lap.

 

(Lexa reads nonfiction books and the occasional fiction one.)

 

(Octavia prefers Greek and Roman mythology and secretly geeks out about it with Lexa.)

 

“What are you talking about?” Octavia stands up, arms crossed tightly across her chest. But Finn is unfazed and continues his jabs at Lexa.

 

“You did something. You said something and Clarke broke up with me.” Finn is so insistent on that idea and before Octavia fires back with that same snarky tone she usually wears, Lexa steps up and is face-to-face with Finn.

 

“You should have solid information before you accuse anyone, Finn. Don't you want to be a lawyer? Shouldn't you know that?” And something so small gets Finn to falter. Other kids gather around, curiosity being a plague to all middle schoolers’ minds.

 

“I don't need anything! You two are always together and after we hung out last week, she stormed off and I know it was to you.” He emphasizes each point with a poke to Lexa’s shoulder. But, Lexa of course doesn't care; used to this sort of treatment. Even worse than something so petty and childish.

 

“Have you talked this out with her?” A pause. “Let me guess, you didn't even let her explain herself, did you?” Octavia snickers, her hand to her mouth and it only infuriates Finn more.

 

“Look-”

 

“Look here, Finn. It is not my fault you were incompetent and didn’t meet Clarke’s expectations or needs. That is all on you.” Lexa returns Finn’s action and lets the surge of pride flood her chest. Other kids are giggling and laughing, some whistling and howling.

 

Her and Octavia’s bus comes and Lexa leaves Finn with a simple wave.

 

“Damn, they should call you the Commander.” Octavia whistles, a bit surprised, but impressed more than anything.

 

“A Commander? That's new for sure.”

 

“I think it's fitting.”

 

“And why is that?”

 

“Maybe I'll tell you someday.”

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

8th grade. 8th grade and Clarke and Lexa have _no_ classes together. It pisses Clarke off to no end and she's fuming, pacing back and forth in her room. Lexa, who luckily isn't there, is at home spending time with Gustus before he leaves for a week to go to New York. So, that leaves Raven and Octavia having to deal with the brute end of this.

 

“Clarke, you'll still see her-” Raven starts.

 

“The _one_ year that is the most important- she's not there in any of my classes! Do you know how much I need her?” Clarke huffs, tangling her fingers in her hair.

 

“She's a genius and all, but-” It's not any better for Octavia.

 

“And now Finn and Murphy are in a class with her? The _same_ class! How am I going to-”

 

“Clarke! Listen to us,” Raven nearly shouts out. “Lexa can take care of herself, and you'll see her everyday, I'm sure you'll both make sure of that.” Clarke glares at her, upset that Raven cut her off, but she's not irrational enough to the point she won't listen.

 

“Plus, she's _your_ Lexa. You've influenced her a lot and even though she doesn't show it as much as you, she really cares about you Clarke and she wouldn't give up without a fight.” Octavia always seems to know what to say; whether it's really shitty and blunt, or comforting and kind. Her heart has always been in the right place, and Raven has always made sure she'd never be alone.

 

“I sometimes hate when you guys are right,” Clarke mutters and throws herself onto her bed, right in between the other two. But nonetheless she says, “I don't know what I'd do without you guys.”

 

“That's right, Griff. Plus, we still have a week before school starts and Lexa’s staying here isn't she?” A hum. “Then you'll for sure have enough time together.”

 

“You act like she's going to die, Clarke,” Octavia chimes in, but Clarke, of course, just hits the back of her head.

 

“Shut up and let me enjoy being in a shitty mood.”

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

When Clarke rushes down the stairs to greet Lexa, it turns out her Dad beat her to it. She can hear their laughter echoing from the living room and she feels a swarm of butterflies erupt from her stomach. Instantly, her eyes brighten and she feels her heart melt when she catches Lexa’s words.

 

“...She means a lot to me, Jake and I'd do anything for her after everything she's done for me.” Clarke stops though, anticipating her Dad’s response and she doesn't know why she's suddenly nervous.

 

“She loves you, Lex and I know that for sure.” Her heart rate picks up, her body growing hot. “You're the perfect best friend for her.”

 

She decides it's time and steps into the kitchen. It's already nighttime and Lexa is in her typical pajama shorts and baggy T-shirt. Clarke joins her at the center counter and sits on the stool beside her.

 

“So, what were you guys talking about?” Clarke chirps, head resting on top of her folded arms.

 

“Boring stuff as usual. Physics and literature,” Jake says with waving motion, but Clarke obviously doesn't believe him. Yet, she leaves it be and turns her head to face Lexa who's watching her intently.

 

“Do you want to want to go to the park?” Lexa perks up at that, eyebrow raised as she looks at Clarke questioningly. She glances at Jake, asking for silent permission.

 

“Be back in an hour at least, and it'd be great if you asked me first, kiddo.” Jake pats Clarke harder than necessary on her back before giving her a little push towards the door. “Call me if anything happens or if you want to get some ice cream.” Clarke grins that toothy grin of hers and salutes him before bringing Lexa along with her.

 

“Clarke! Where did my heels go?!” Clarke and Lexa’s eyes widen, panic striking in.

 

“Don't worry, I'll take care of the warden.” Jake stands up with a sigh and starts heading upstairs. “Hun, I'm sure they're just misplaced.”

 

Clarke and Lexa open the door, stifling their giggles, but Clarke can’t hold it in anymore and full on laughs. Her laughter is bubbly, and contagious, something that Lexa can't help but laugh along with. Clarke pulls Lexa by her hand and they're then running down the main street of Clarke’s neighborhood. It's a nice, big neighborhood. Acres and acres of vibrant green land with a tall fence that surrounds the entire perimeter. There's only two automatic gates that lead into the neighborhood, and if it wasn't luxurious enough, it has its own shopping center right in front.

 

“Clarke! Why are we running?” Lexa asks, but she still follows close behind, refusing to let Clarke’s hand go.

 

“Doesn't it make it more thrilling?” Clarke looks back at her over her shoulder, and Lexa’s heart stops. In her eyes are countless of stars the night sky isn't even showing, and the pure thought of that makes it easier and easier to fall in love with her best friend.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“I'll see you at lunch Clarke, now let me go.” Lexa has been trying to pry her best friend off, but there's no sign of her leaving. The first bell has already rung, and Clarke will most likely be late on the first day.

 

“That's three classes away from now!” She's been clinging onto Lexa’s arm like a leech since Jake dropped them off, and Lexa finds it endearing, but annoying.

 

“You're going to be late, go to class Clarke.” Lexa doesn't typically whine, but she only ever does when Clarke gets like this.

 

“I'll sneak to your table, okay? And I'll get you cookies to make up for being annoying.” Clarke nods mostly to herself, but before sprinting off to the other side of school, she places a quick kiss to Lexa’s cheek. Like every other time, Lexa still feels tingles dancing across her skin long after Clarke is gone.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“Woods.” Murphy towers over her desk.

 

“Murphy, is this just a common thing to use last names?” She closes her book, looking straight into his eyes.

 

“Great to know we have English together. Y’know, I suck at this subject.” He sits on her desk, pushing her book and binder off. “I'm sure you don't mind sharing your homework. Unless if you want a repeat of elementary school.

 

Lexa grits her teeth, hands clenched in her lap.

 

“Your attempts at intimidating me are completely useless at this point. I don't care for your threats, or the fact you’re inept when it comes to this.” Murphy's eyes widen, and it even begins to gain their classmates attention. “So, if you'd please stop wasting my time, I'd greatly appreciate it.”

 

To think, Murphy actually does step down. He mumbles incohesive words and shoves other kids out of his way and covers his head with his hood. Their teacher finally returns with a stack of syllabuses and a flustered smile.

 

“Hey, Lexa.” It seems like she can't get a break at all. She rolls her eyes, but makes no effort to turn her head.

 

“Don't talk to me now, Finn.”

 

“I only said hey.”

 

“Exactly, you already said too much.” He goes back to his seat with dejected shoulders and Lexa already knows it's going to be a long year.

 

Clarke hates it. Absolutely _hates_ it. Most of her classes are filled with idiots only focused on either getting with girls, or guys and she doesn't have her best friend there to distract her with stuff she never really cared for. But, Lexa cares for that stuff, and Clarke supposed she should care too. Especially about school. Lexa scolds her about her terrible habits constantly. More than she already does for Clarke’s rash, yet sadly chivalrous decisions.

 

_“Clarke you need to sleep earlier.” Clarke has been sitting at her desk this entire time, talking to herself occasionally, even trying to keep Lexa up who's already comfy in bed._

 

_“But I need to study! There's huge tests coming up in my classes.”_

 

_“You're wasting energy by asking yourself questions you know the answers to, Clarke. You'll be fine.” Lexa is behind her within a split second, hand firm and reassuring on her shoulder. “Now, get some sleep. All your effort will go to waste if you can barely finish the test.”_

 

It's just not the same. She likes the sound of crisp pages of a book being turned whenever there was free time in class. She likes the faint scent of chocolate chip cookies she sneaks out for Lexa during lunch. The school day just goes by faster whenever her best friend is right beside her with that small lift of her eyebrow as she silently observes her. But, she's stuck in classes that don't include Lexa and her smartass self. She can only imagine what it's like with Finn and Murphy in class.

 

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“Clarke?” The two of them are in the den of the Griffin household, wrapped up in blankets on the couch watching TV. But, Lexa hasn't been able to pay attention at all. All she sees is blue, blue, blue. Lately for some reason, her heart has been losing its rhythm. Her ribs cave into her lungs, causing this sort of pressure that isn't exactly painful, but not exactly enjoyable. It's a sort of anticipation that leaves Lexa breathless, yet light. Her heart is full and feels like it can continue to throb with this surge of happiness. And, with her eyes tracing gentle blonde waves and rich blue eyes, Lexa feels like a train has hit her full on. But, she never heard the roaring engine or the screaming of the whistle. The realization came out of nowhere and Lexa is left trying to figure out exactly what happened.

 

“Yeah Lex?” Clarke is quick to react to Lexa, and when she turns her head, they're close enough to the point their noses are touching. Lexa feels her breath hitch in her throat, and if her eyes aren't deceiving her, Clarke isn't any better.

 

“If you ever like someone, you’d tell me, right?” Lexa squeaks, and Clarke even seems surprised by the sound, but she doesn't point it out. When Lexa takes on personal moments, Clarke knows it's serious because her best friend doesn't like conflict, she doesn't like having her own puzzles. She rather solve other people’s puzzles and problems.

 

“Of course, I trust you with everything, Lex.” She pauses. “You’d tell me too, right?” Lexa’s reply is something neither of them expected, but it still happens and it leaves both of them thrumming with a sort of warmth they only feel with each other.

 

Lexa kisses Clarke’s cheek, letting her lips linger before she brings her in for a hug.

 

(They never speak about that night.)

 

(Not until it's right.)

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“Happy Birthday Lex!” Instantly, Lexa finds herself on the floor, the wind knocked out of her and she gets a mouthful of golden hair. “You're thirteen!” Clarke has her best pinned to the living room floor, that same blinding smile present as always and Lexa feels her heart swell.

 

“Yes, and you still have three months till you're thirteen in February.” Lexa pats Clarke on the head. She doesn't fight or try to push her off like how she always used to; instead, she just enjoys the extra  warmth and softness embracing her.

 

“Aside from that, aren't you excited?” As usual, Clarke is more excited than Lexa will ever be.

 

“It's just another birthday spent with you.” For some reason, that tugs at Clarke’s heart and her smile widens even more, her pearly teeth showing.

 

“I'm never leaving your side, Lexa Woods.”

 

“What's with people and saying last names?” Lexa grins at her, and Clarke knows what the girl beneath her is really saying. _I'm holding it against you, Clarke Griffin._

 

That day, the two of them along with Raven, Octavia, Gustus and Abby all go to the Griffith Observatory. Lexa has eventually taken up the interest on astronomy courtesy of her best friend. The entire car ride, Clarke is buzzing with glee, her hand firmly in Lexa's as she remains her collected self. It's already nighttime, but of course it doesn't look like it when Los Angeles is still vibrant with life flourishing in every orb of light.

 

“C’mon! Let’s go to the top!” Clarke practically pushes her friends to the top of the crowded building. When they're looking over the railing and out over the ledge, they all let out a quiet gasp.

 

“Best birthday ever.” Clarke barely hears it, but she does and she can't resist the urge to wrap Lexa up in her arms, relishing in the scent of vanilla and the warmth of something more. “It really is.” And Clarke knows it's directed towards her because before she realizes it, she can see pale green forests and the memory of lips pressed against hers is forever seared in her mind. There's an intensity and an undeniable flood of adoration burning in Lexa’s eyes and Clarke- Clarke feels like her entire world is spinning and won't ever stop. But, it's okay because she knows Lexa is the center of her universe.

 

“I'm glad,” Clarke murmurs, and instinctively, she's leaning even closer, eyes dropping down to lips that she really shouldn't kiss her here and now. But, all she can feel is Lexa. All she can smell and see is Lexa and it's perfectly okay.

 

“Hey, lovebirds! Jake is taking a picture!” Raven calls them out, and Octavia is snickering beside her, hand laced with her best friend’s. Clarke groans, and Lexa can feel the puff of air brush against her cheeks. It just makes her laugh.

 

“Let's go.”

 

They always end up back in either Clarke or Lexa’s bed snuggled up under multiple blankets.

 

_“Clarke, you know I prefer being extra warm.”_

 

_“Your hand gets all sweaty when we hold hands!” Clarke pouts and scoots away from her._

 

_“You don't complain during winter,” Lexa mutters and Clarke knows she's right._

 

“It's so nice having you,” Clarke hums, nuzzling deeper into Lexa’s side. “You're my personal heater and no one else’s.” Lexa just nods, too much energy lost because of the entire day.

 

“Lex, for my birthday, I want to spend the day just with you.” Lexa barely catches the words, but she does and it leaves her feeling fuzzy inside. With a slow nod, Lexa falls asleep and Clarke is always there to catch her.

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

After Lexa’s birthday, the rest of the school year is filled with more fights between Murphy and Clarke, more confliction between Finn and Lexa with Octavia and Raven always there to help. Graduation is tomorrow and the four of them are lounging around in Clarke’s backyard under the tree.

 

“I'm just saying, Clarke would be in Gryffindor,” Raven shrugs and tosses another chip at Octavia’s forehead.

 

“No, Clarke would be in Slytherin. She's clever and has a lot of ambition. Just because her last name is Griffin doesn't change anything.” Octavia frowns and chucks a handful back, Raven cackling and falling onto her back. “It's a no brainer that you'd be in Ravenclaw, Raven.”

 

“Obviously, but Lexa is the only one who could actually match my intellectual level.” She sits back up, swinging her arm around Lexa who has been quiet this entire time.

 

“Lex is obviously Ravenclaw,” Clarke says and nudges her best friend. “That leaves, O.”

 

“Hm, I don't know Clarke. Octavia really has some guts, but she's also hardworking as hell.” Raven and Clarke size her up, eyes squinted. Lexa just sits there, watching everyone interact.

 

“I say Gryffindor,” Raven says, hands up.

 

“Yeah, no, I agree. No one should mess with you in a fight,” Clarke says with a grin and leans into her friend.

 

It continues like that, Clarke and Octavia going on about something Lexa and Raven don't really care for as they carry on with their newest geeky obsession.

 

(Yet, what they don't notice are the other two sneaking more glances at them than normal.)

 

~+~+~+~+~

 

“Are you scared?” They're staring up at the night sky, laying on a blanket as their hands are joined in between them.

 

“About high school?” Lexa doesn't turn to face Clarke, just simply continues to watch the sky her best friend has always been obsessed with.

 

“Yeah, I mean, Bellamy said the high school hierarchy is even more obvious and there's way more kids. What if we don't fit in, Lex?” Clarke Griffin never sounds scared. The fact that she's shaken up about high school just baffles Lexa.

 

“There's nothing fun about living in a school of fish who all do everything the same.” Clarke can imagine it now; the fish in _Finding_ _Nemo_ that directed Marlin and Dory in their search for Nemo.

 

“What if you get bullied again?” What gets Lexa to finally tear her gaze away is the frailness to Clarke’s voice, the small vulnerable crack that's rarely there in her usual strong, determined tone.

 

“I can handle myself Clarke. Haven't you heard? I gained the title of Commander.” Lexa snorts, and Clarke’s lips twitch up.

 

“Yeah, you're right. You've always been able to take care of yourself.”

 

“That doesn't mean it was easy, Clarke. Without you, I don't know how I would've been able to enjoy school. I wouldn't have a best friend.” Clarke grins at her, that same shit eating, prideful grin. But it always leaves that same effect; a pleasant twist and lightness to her stomach.

 

“We’ll always be best friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for typos and errors, I type this story mainly on my phone and I'm typically half asleep when I work on it. I hope it doesn't cause too much confusion


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